Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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