yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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