i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
