yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
