Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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