I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
