So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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