This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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