I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
