So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
