I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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