it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
