You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
