my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
