this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
