He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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