right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
