We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
