They should really pass out barf bags in church
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
