My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
