So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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