at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
