Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize