The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
