can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
