it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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