I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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