glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i've created a new STD.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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