toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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