Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
