I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
