I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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