i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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