my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize