at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
