So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize