We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
