he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
