You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
