I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
