Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize