Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize