the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
