That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
