just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
