Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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