Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
