I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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