I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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