I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize