Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
