Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
