Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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