I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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