As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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