i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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