I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
