fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize