she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
