Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
