YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
