Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
