jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
