I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
