Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
