It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
