She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
