I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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