I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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