I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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