I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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