Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
