so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
