You smell like a Billy Joel song
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
