She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have aggressive nipples.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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